Help Me Believe

I decided to listen to some old Kirk Franklin, now I’m not the biggest Kirk Franklin fan but he does have a few tracks that goes hard. I ran across this song called Help Me Believe and it is SO PERFECT for my life right now. Around this time last year I recommitted my life to Christ. I dove right in, serving everywhere I could. I surrounded myself around like minded individuals. I left people along, stop going to places I use to frequent and I was sky rocketing. Before I knew it I was asked to come on board and work for Awakenings Movement. I didn’t fully realized what I agreed to but I know now I agreed to LIVE a life of building God’s kingdom (monetary paycheck).

I never understood why I was asked to serve in God’s kingdom at this level. LEADERSHIP, me, are you serious?? I’m just trying to get it right like everyone else. At one point I thought I did something right but lately I have come to realize NO, not so much. As I type this right now I still don’t understand what it is, all I know is that I have a mission and I can’t live (literally) unless I carry it out.

I have come to a place in my walk where I’m being challenged to live like I believe. The only problem in that is that my belief isn’t very strong. I know surprising huh. This leader in the church, oh, ye of little faith the question I ask myself is “Why would God call someone to lead who has issues in believing”. This area in belief is the reason why I left following Christ and searched for something else previous to my recommitment.

Now I know without a doubt this is the path I must run on I still have the same issue. Lately I have played this song ALL day praying to God, to help me believe. I want to believe and I am at a point that I have to believe. I want to believe that God has my best in mind. I want to believe that God has plans to prosper me and not harm me. I want to believe that if I delight myself in him, he will give me the desires of my heart. I want to believe that I can be healed from my brokenness. I want to believe that I can love myself and be GREAT with the person he created me to be. I want to believe he wouldn’t call me to something he didn’t already prepare me for. I want to believe that he will never leave me or forsaken me. I want to believe that before the foundations of the earth he planned out my life.

Ok, so there, I’ve said it. I want to believe. Please God, help me believe.